salad?

so yesterday, i went to helena to see my grandparents and my dad and stepmom. my dad and stepmom were there to deal deal with the immigration people for the 10,000th time. but now its called homeland security....gotta keep those canadian naturopaths out of the country. they could be terrorists. chemical warfare, one herbal patient at a time.

we had lunch at my grandma's house....we had cold turkey adn 3 different "salads." The minute my grandma said the word salad, my warning bell came on. Salad, in that house, has nothing to do with lettuce and/or vegetables. Salads usually involve cool whip. And i was not proved wrong.

The first salad, which i passed on because I don't eat sweet potatoes, was mashed sweet potatoes, chopped celerly, and chopped hard boiled egg. It looked like vomit/diarrhea.

The second salad was fruit cocktail and grape hemispheres mixed with coolwhip.

The third salad was canned peaches under a heavy blanket of coolwhip mixed with jello powder, which creates sort of a pink, fluffy, granular foam.

And that was lunch. I had a cranberry muffin and about 12 slices of turkey and i was still hungry. then i spotted a pie on the counter. i boldly asked, "is that pie and can we eat it?" thank god for cherry pie.

and later, thank god for mckenzie river pizza co. where they serve salads that contain broccoli and lettuce. Note: there is a "salad" that contains broccoli and lettuce but i think it might also contain shredded carrots, pinapple, raisins and coolwhip. always coolwhip.