PMS all over your face! 2006

so...earlier today all my music made me cry because I am pms-ing HARD! I was listing to "Let go" by Frau Frau.

"Let go, jump in, its what you're waiting for....there's beauty in the breakdown."

Frau Frau gave me permission and I broke down. Mostly I was happy because I found a song that might calm me the fuck down when I get myself into a "what about my future" tizzy. The future is incredibly uncertain right now. I most likely won't be going to grad school because no one wants me. Except UCLA let me into the master of public health program. Basically its like, hey, you weren't good enough for us to pay you, but we'll let you take a few classes for 20K a year? How's that sound?

And then everyone is asking what you're doing every goddam second...like, hello, I didn't know when you asked me that 16 hours ago...I still don't.

Then the music got worse, I was only partially tearing to frau frau...Antony came on hoping he had someone to hold him and fearing the middle place after death. I was worried he had AIDS and was afraid and alone. Jared later reminded me that Antony probably has lots of friends and isn't alone.

Then, my favorite Sufjan Stevens song about a friend who dies of bone cancer. Honestly, its like i didn't have a choice at that point.

I recovered and we ate dinner and then we went to help Jared's advisor move tables for the Science Fair of which he is a main organizer. I admit I was already cranky..lets put that out there. There were too many people helping, not enough to do and a lot of standing around. Jared and Jesse were talking about their code which sounds like this:

"What we had was fs-min but that wasn't working so I tried fs integral."
"Yeah, I tried that too but the fix was temporary."
"Its definitely in the fs"
"Oh I know that I worked on it all weekend."
"I tried forcing it to choose one"
"I did the same thing with a conditional loop."

blah blah blah. I explored the fieldhouse for awhile but was a tid bit scared of running into the janitor guys one of which snapped a rubber glove at us and asked (in a scary voice) if we wanted to blow up balloons. um..lemme think.....no.

in a fit of utter crankiness, i pulled my keys out of jared's pocket, informed jesse that he would be bringing jared home, and said I was leaving.
Jared: Why?
Jasmine: Because this is fucking boring!
Jared: I love you!
Jasmine: I love you too! Harumph.

But honestly, why stand in a field house listening to people talk about computer code when you could be at home with your cats and your laptop and your tivo?? The kitties are being killer adorable right now.

The one thing that is certain is that if we stay in missoula we are:
1) moving above ground
2) getting a dog that is small enough to play with irma and ramen